Unstick Yourself
We're not here long enough to be unhappy
Stop missing out on your own life, and start remembering who you are and what you want, with a six-session coaching package, designed to help you turn midlife into a golden time of renewal and change.
Crisis, schmisis - let's have our cake and eat it, people.
Who is this for?
People who are stuck in midlife, who want to un-stick themselves and find their way to the next phase of their lives.
People who have finally got sick of living with and accommodating to the sense that their best days are behind them; who know something has to change, but don’t quite know what that is, or how to go about it.
ennui, noun
/ɒnˈwiː/on-wee
A feeling of listlessness and dissatisfaction arising from a lack of occupation or excitement
A lack of spirit, enthusiasm or interest
A feeling of being bored and mentally tired, caused by having nothing interesting or exciting to do
This phenomenon, often experienced during midlife, is so common as to be almost universal, and it tends to have a profoundly negative impact on our peace of mind, our capacity for joy and happiness, and the quality of our lives.
So, what’s the help on offer for this? Where can I get referred to?
Very little, and almost nowhere.
Which is actually a big problem, because it’s the cause of untold, quiet misery, missed opportunities, and needlessly sad, unfulfilled lives.
What can be done?
Fortunately, a lot.
Once we look beyond our current youth-obsessed, essentially adolescent culture, we can see that questions like - what makes a good life, what people need to be happy, and how we can find meaning and joy in what we do – have occupied the minds of some of the greatest thinkers in human history.
So mes amis, the good news is that people more blessed than us with wisdom, grace and intelligence, from Marcus Aurelius, Epictetus and Seneca, to Viktor Frankl, Thich Nhat Hanh and Carl Jung have a) all wrestled with these questions, and as luck would have it, b) provided some helpful answers to them.
This whole package is based upon what happens if we actually, really, genuinely follow their advice.
Not to over-complicate this, for many, midlife can be a time of decline, withdrawal and ossification, but for others it's a period of intense richness, creativity and renewal. As ever, it depends on the choices we make.
Jung in particular was clear on this: in midlife, staying the same appears not to be an option. You either atrophy or renew - it really is that simple.
What do I offer?
The opportunity to do an intensive, focused piece of work,
tailored to you and your current situation, with a highly skilled, very experienced consultant clinical psychologist, aimed at illuminating:
-
Who you really are, and where you’ve got to in your life right now
-
Who you want to be, and what you want to do
-
What changes you need to make, and actions you need to take to get there
-
How you’re going to make these changes actually happen
What does this look like in practice?
I offer a 6-session, 1:1 coaching package, specifically designed to help you remember who you are, decide what you want, and work out how you’re going to get it.
Each session lasts 1 hour, and takes place remotely via Zoom on consecutive weeks, with a small amount of targeted work between sessions. No padding here – all killer, no filler.
It costs £1000 all-in, and follow-up sessions/group events/ongoing support can be discussed on completion of the course.
Is this suitable for everyone?
No!
The package is quite intense - unapologetically so.
Having a mirror held up to you to see who you really are, as opposed to how you'd like to be, is often a challenging experience. Consequently, it’s not for everyone. Which is why I offer a mandatory, free 30-minute initial consultation, along with a brief online application process to any new potential clients before I agree to start working with them.
The reason being that all the evidence on effectiveness in psychotherapy/coaching suggests that by far the most important variables are the “fit” between therapist and client, and the quality of the therapeutic relationship. So, you have to feel like I’m someone you could work with, and vice versa. This is really only something that you can work out face-to-face, as opposed to reading copy on a website.
I have a very limited amount of slots available, and I want to keep it that way. I’m doing this in my days off from a busy NHS job; it’s not my main source of income, and this means that I can be very choosy in terms of who I work with.
Again, I make no apologies for this. As discussed, it's not for everyone.
So yes, there’s a screening process, and no, not everyone will pass.
Typical reasons for someone not passing the screening process would be:
-
You’re not quite ready. Timing is everything in life, so sometimes it’s a case of: I’ll put you on the waiting list, come back in 6 months.
-
Your mental health isn’t great. People need to be in a relatively stable place to get the most from this work. This might mean that I ask you to address any acute/significant mental health issues first. I have some excellent colleagues I can refer you to for this.
-
We don’t click, and I don’t feel like I have anything to offer you. This obviously works both ways, and it’s worth remembering that regardless of how fancy and/or extensive someone’s qualifications and credentials are, if you don’t click with them, the work you do together will inevitably be suboptimal.
Everything hangs on one's thinking
Seneca
Who am I?
I am an NHS consultant clinical psychologist, with 30 years’ experience of working in frontline mental health services.
I am also someone who has gone through a difficult, but extraordinarily useful and life-affirming existential midlife crisis of my own.
This experience – the suffering, the epiphany, and the unbelievable opportunity for growth and recalibration it provided - is what prompted me to start this whole enterprise.
An aside,
on choosing a coach
Often people feel weirdly disempowered when it comes to finding a coach or therapist. There’s a strange, lingering mystique around psychotherapy in particular, and otherwise assertive and capable individuals can find this hard to navigate.
This is normal, but it bothers me, and when I’m asked about it in my day job, my advice is always the same:
Approach choosing a coach or therapist in exactly the same way as you would treat hiring a plumber, an architect, or a roofer. It’s no different, and there’s no need to buy into the hype and specialness around these professions.
Have a clear idea of what you want help with, get recommendations from people you trust, get quotes from (in other words: interview) a handful of candidates, and then trust your gut. If you go with someone and you don’t feel like they’re helping, consider sacking them and finding someone else.
This kind of work is a bit like running a relay race – sometimes you need to go a few times round the track with a few different people. There’s no shame in that, in fact often it’s the ideal scenario.
Everyone you work with has something to offer you - some more than others, obviously - but nothing is wasted. The trick, as ever, is to begin.